Some of you may have seen the video that's gone viral over the Internet of the Dad who's mighty ticked off at his teenage daughter and so as a result makes a video and shoots her laptop with a handgun to make his point. I shouldn't be giving this guy one minute of my time, but I can't stop thinking about it (and seeing continuous links to it being made on my Facebook news feed). So I thought I'd make a blog post about it today. I'm not going to link to the video. I think the guy is an ass and am not going to give him more attention than he's already getting - but if you haven't seen it and want to, I'm sure you'll find the Youtube video with a quick search.
I have to start by saying, I have never parented a teenager. I have been one, I have taught them (as a substitute teacher no less!), and I have spent a significant amount of time around them in past jobs. The teenage years have to be some of the most frustrating for all involved - too old to be kids, too young to be adults; hormones rage like an emotional roller coaster; rules and responsibilities adding up causing stress that have never been seen/felt in their young lifetimes; and then bring in the modern world of today with it's social media, poor role models from Hollywood and TV; and the list goes on --- it's not an easy time!
I was a relatively "good" teen by normal standards - I never drank, smoked, partied (in fact, I would have been what you would call a bit of a looser...haha), but I know I caused my parents a lot of frustration, anger, and the like during those teen years as I tested my boundaries, talked back and rebelled in my own ways. I know more than once I wrote letters/notes, had long phone calls, or face-to-face discussions with friends calling my parents every bad word I could think of and complaining about anything and everything I could regarding rules, responsibilities and those things they did and said I thought was unfair. I was a teen. That's how I chose to vent. I can kind of relate to this girl in the video.
Now, I was a teen in the early/mid 1990s when there was no social media in the sense of the word that there is today. Had there been something like Facebook when I was 15, chances are I might have made a bad decision like the daughter in this video and posted something up on my wall, too. That's how teens are communicating these days - Facebook, IM, text messaging, chat rooms....
In the past year I have seen more social networking blunders by adults in my circle, or companies I follow on Twitter or Facebook than I have fingers on my hands. I have seen updates/posts/comments that had some pretty significant name calling or venting, info about cheating spouses or significant others, bad drinking/partying pictures, and the list could go on and on. And these were adults. I honestly don't think people understand the long-term effects of some of their social media posts. It's become such a day-to-day habit for most of us that we often air too much dirty laundry on these types of sites, not thinking of who may see it or how long it may be online for (ie: forever). I try to think "would I want my grandma or a future employer to see/read this" when I post, and if the answer is no, then I don't do it. Not many people seem to have these same filters.
So this father in the video was ticked off at his daughter for "going behind his back" and writing mean and angry things, and yes - I understand apparently she'd done something like this in the past and been warned against doing it again. But as I'm watching, I'm thinking monkey-see, monkey-do. Should she have written it? Probably not - or at least not to post publicly on her page (and yes, I know there are settings to make things private, but obviously she chose not to do this and to share it with others - even if her Father wasn't the intended target). But she's a teen. She made a stupid decision. She was angry, venting, and obviously didn't feel she had another outlet to vent these frustrations in. And to be honest, I don't blame her if her Father is one to pull out a gun and destroy a laptop (which by the way - at the beginning of the video wasn't he complaining about the time and money he put into it?!). I wouldn't have gone to him either.
So instead of modelling good communication and relationship skills - which by the way are (in my opinion) probably two of the most important skills a person can have! He decided to act like an immature brat himself, vent his frustrations in a video (was this to post on her page for her and her friends to see? I missed the purpose of it - I think that's what it was), and then pull out his handgun and shoot her laptop. Um....what?!
I guess my biggest surprise with all of this is the applause coming from other parents in comments posted about this video all over social media. Yesterday afternoon of a couple hundred comments left about this on the Parenting.com website, the vast majority of parents thought this dad was awesome and totally hit the mark on how to react to this situation. REALLY?! WTF?! I couldn't believe my eyes.....so not only did this father embarrass his daughter (yes, I know, parents do that regardless of what they do in the eyes of a teen) by posting a video to her Facebook page, he also spewed angry and hurtful words in his video, showed no modelling behaviour of respect, communication or understanding, and then destroyed property. What is this teaching her? How is she going to learn to become a well-rounded, responsible adult if this is what she has to go off of?
How would I have dealt with the situation? I honestly can't say, having never parented a teenager and have not been in the same situation. I know I would likely be hurt, disappointed and maybe even a little angry at my child. I know that there would be no way in heck I would be making a video, pulling out a gun, and destroying property. I would hope I could say I would get my emotions under control and sit down with my child to discuss the matter at hand. Likely there would be a removal of privileges - ie: deactivation of said Facebook account, limited/no access to the computer except for under supervision for the purpose of completing school assignments, etc.
In our house I hope that there is always open communication and a mutual respect for each other. I know that there will be a time when Wee Man will be angry, frustrated, and upset with me and us with him. There may even be several years of this during those trying teen years. I know that he will have times when he deliberately goes against rules and boundaries we set up for him. There will be big punishments ahead. But I know that no matter what life brings us in the future there is no way I would disrespect him in this way - nor will I ever applaud a parent who shows such a lack of reserve or respect for their child or property. The relationship with this daughter and father is gone - that's fully apparent in this video, and I can only hope that she has other more positive adult role models in her life, or I can only imagine what the future may bring....
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